We just dropped my oldest child at college for his Freshman year. This day has been coming for a long time and I’m not sure how to feel that it happened. Does he realize that entering college is a big deal? Does he realize how much his life will change as he starts his studies and goes to a new school? Why isn’t he as nervous as I am? Will he meet all new friends and forget that we love him? Well, my first kid went to college (and I didn’t even get a lousy T-Shirt).
My son did a Gap Year in Israel last year (September to mid May), so this wasn’t our first time for him being away. I dealt with missing him like crazy, but he did stay in constant communication. It helped. Technology does make missing someone easier, because you can do video calls, in addition to regular calls and texts. What’s App is the best thing ever. He had fantastic experiences and met wonderful people. We knew our child wasn’t ready last year to start college so this was a good decision.
My son came back in Mid May and then basically slept late, gamed on his computer, and saw friends. After a family vacation, he started working for the next 6 weeks as an aide in a kitchen in a school through a program NYC has for kids 14-21 called SYEP (Student Youth Employment Program). He was never late (he started at 7 AM) and it was a positive experience for him. The supervisor loved him. He worked hard and made a little money to boot. Success!
Then the countdown to college started. I frantically started figuring out what we needed to buy for him and made tons of lists. He didn’t care as much – do teenage boys really care what their bedding looks like and if it matches the rug you buy? Not my kid. He picked out a set in blue and called it a day. He looked at one posted from a 90’s rock band and announced that his wall decor was done. I joined facebook groups about dorm packing and called on my girlfriends for advice. I sent my mom to Aldi to pick up dorm items for me (she lives right near a good one in Carle Place, Long Island and while I’m working full time, I was worried the items would be gone). I ordered A LOT of Amazon. I went to Target and Walmart. I made sure to get a LOT of storage. My kid just kept on gaming and going to work.
I drew the line at packing his clothes. I bought the famous “moving” bags (IKEA dupes). I got a pack of 6 and figured I’d need more. He packed 2 of those with clothes. He didn’t think about packing any sweatshirts/rain jackets/ warm fleece jackets. So I packed those. I reminded him to pack his hiking boots. He forgot them. I’m not even sure if he took his winter jacket. Then I reminded myself that these weren’t huge problems and he didn’t need the boots or heavy jacket yet. He was only going 2 hours away and while it’s closer than the other colleges he applied to, it’s still not a hop, skip and a jump.
And then the move in day finally arrived. The night before he left, I organized everything and made my son help me. I drove him crazy by making him take his insulin pods out of the boxes and pack them neatly in the plastic top drawer (if you are a regular reader you know my son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes 8 years ago and while it’s been a roller coaster, since his growth slowed down, it’s been better). We took a lot of his supplies so he could manage himself, plus a small cooler of insulin. We had been in touch with the school’s FANTASTIC Disability Resource Department and we were told we could ask for an extra fridge to hold his insulin as it wasn’t fair to his roommate to have a ton of insulin in the fridge, taking up room.
Move in Day
I had everything ready to go the night before. We left on time and only hit a touch of traffic, it was raining, but it stopped when we reached the college’s exit. We drove onto the campus at 10AM, which was when we were supposed to get there. The campus was ready for us and we saw lot of staff in the school t-shirts directing us where to go. We were told to check in and then we could move my son’s stuff in. We pulled up to the dorm. We saw HUGE lines to get in. It was just past 10AM, so we figured it might take 30 minutes or so, or maybe 45 minutes. But NOPE.
We stood on line outside for 2 hours just to check in. The line barely moved. The families that had been able to check in already were waiting outside for 1-2 hours to get their stuff upstairs. It did help that the staff was very nice, but clearly something was going on. Our easy move in was now full of drama. No one told us what was happened. Luckily the rain had stopped once we got to the college.
We finally got into the building around 2 hours later. Check in literally took 5 minutes (which was really puzzling). We had to go upstairs and fill out the room condition form. The room was clean, but there were clear signs of damage on the walls in a few places. When we finally got my son’s stuff and went into the building, the elevator had broken. So walking up two flights of stairs it was! The student athletes who had helped with move in were gone by the time we able to move in. As my husband and son carried bags up to the 3rd floor, one of the staff members helped (again, the staff was so nice).
We did try to stay positive, as this clearly was not the staff’s fault. It took us around 2 hours to set up my son’s side of the room. I had bought a rubber mallet to move his bed up the 4 rungs to raise it, but the bed rails wouldn’t budge. I found a helpful janitor who put in a work order to get that done. The room was so small that when his roommate showed up there wasn’t room for them to come in. We put away bags that were now empty and consolidated items so they could come in. I made the bed, wrestling with his mattress topper, bed bug mattress encasement, sheets, pillows and comforter.
Once we set up and were all sweaty, we went to eat off campus. I didn’t get the beautifully decorated dorm photo. Life went on.
We had wanted to go to the college bookstore to buy college SWAG. However, by the time we got off campus and ate, it was time to get home (we knew we were going to hit traffic anyway). A trip that should take 1 hour and 45 minutes was now going to take two and a half hours. So I didn’t get the T-shirt with the college name on it. As my husband and I both took the day off to move him in, the day was now over.
We figured it may be chaotic, but this was over the top. We still love this college and know we made the right decision to send him. I ordered some posters from Amazon that he liked and he put them up. It made his side of the room look better. I spoke to a bunch of other parents from the school (yeah for Facebook Groups) and we were the only dorm that had this issue. That did make me feel a little better.
However, perspective- my kid has a good school to go to and is happy and healthy. Hopefully our drop off for our middle kid next year will go a little smoother. We do love the school my son chose (if you go on social media, you can see where he is). But I still want the damn T-shirt I promised myself.
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